Posts tagged ‘religion’

September 30, 2011

Paranoia and Testosterone

by nkwilczy

We were in Red Hook, right on the edge of the water, when the blunt started to take hold. I remember having said something like, “rotten rat bastard legs,” that had dragged me from my room for the seventh consecutive night. With the cannabinoids in my system though, the nausea and headache that had most bothered me about the hangover were fading away.

“Hung over at midnight,” I say, “lousy shit.”

Mike nods, his head was also ringing, he had the same almost dead look in his eyes that I had had when I woke up a half an hour earlier. Now my cigarette was burning out instead and soaking up my exhaustion.

Earlier that day, on the beach we had realized that our case of Dominican beers was in 22 oz. bottles, which we had still dutifully chugged until the sun dipped below the mountain to the west when we disposed of the trash with no small sense of pride. This was exaggerated, of course, by our blabbering incoherent state but we had still managed to secure the advice to visit Red Hook that night by a pair of attractive local girls who assured us that they would meet us there.

“Keys to the Benz? Keys to the Benz,” my companion mutters in his seat now, still half asleep he fiddles with the radio volume as he pays homage to Anna Nicole Smith.

Jesus, I shake my head, offering him my pack of cigarettes, sure to shut him up, “Have a smoke, you lunatic bastard.”

He lights it, I fumbled them back into my pocket.

“Look out!” he shouts suddenly, prompting me to slam on the breaks rather than hit an old lady who was staggering through the street in her vacation attire.

“This is tourist country,” I admitted, waving my fist at her as she tottered out of the street.

“I thought you’d see her soon enough,” he replies.

I’ve always considered myself to have a decent degree of animal magnetism. With most mammals, iguanas, birds, sure I get along; but there has always been one species of violent, ill tempered apes that has consistently evaded my attempts to socialize in a positive manner. The old lady waves her fist back at me menacingly.

Inside the bar we order our beers, sipping them as we tried to chain smoke our bodies into cooperation for one last night on the two week long binge that had been our spring break. I recline as much as I can on the stool, play with my collar.

Behind me, all of the sudden I hear, “And this is my lawyer, Nick.”

” Добрый вечер” I reply, ” Меня зовут Доктор юридических Вильчинский”

My friend gives me a strange look as the girls try to converse with me, I rebuke them with feigned ignorance, maybe these fucking people will get along with me better if they think I don’t speak a word of their language. I describe Moscow University in pretty good Russian and it really doesn’t make any difference because no one, not even Mike speaks Russian.

Which, of course, brings up all sorts of problems within the entire scenario, for starters, his lawyer? The fuck sort of a way was that to introduce a hung over wreck of a human? And the credibility is further strained when the girls ask him to explain to them, in good old Английский язык how he met a Russian lawyer, so young and clearly only recently graduated from Московский университет.

As they wander to the dance floor, leaving two obvious lunatics staring at their asses, I shake my head in disappointment at my companion. That poor fucking Mick, he never understood the fundamental gullibility of the Englishman’s culture.

These poor saps even believe that they are free. Just tell them they’re asking too many questions, spreading conspiracies, compromising national security. Hell, tell them they aren’t pretty enough. Anything to get them worked up on their own trip too much to check our facts. My newfound ignorance of Английский язык had quickly become an unmanageable liability.

Abstinence is not a terrible philosophy, although it will never make you pure. The poor suckers who engage in it just for that are only letting the secondary effects get so far into their heads that their wild visions of men with wings and all seeing eyes grow to larger than life proportion. That secondary effect is what it’s good for though, it is the real advantage. Abstinence will drive you stark raving mad. Hell, after thirty years or so of this business I could see it being perfectly reasonable not to put up a fight, to lay back and let it happen, while they nailed you to a fucking cross.

September 1, 2010

God Exists

by nkwilczy

  God exists.

C.S. Lewis was fond of pointing to shared human moral values. He would argue that cruelty exists, which is nothing extraordinary, but he insisted that our awareness of it was something higher, and pointed to the influence of the divine. Augustine used math, something he saw as self evident and universal just like Lewis saw morality, Aquinas believed that logic was the universal railing from which any man could see God. It is often tempting to attempt to make arguments based on world origins but these arguments tend only to end only in open disagreement. Either matter and the universe have always existed in some form or another or they didn’t, people will argue both ways and it never goes anywhere.

Ultimately all of these are useless, the fact is that anything that can be limited to human understanding would fall short of our conception of God. To be God such a thing must be beyond our understanding and it is truly pointless to argue. There is no universal truth, not math or morality or logic that will permit all men to see God and there should not be. There should be no equation or cookie cutter formula for finding divinity. It should and must be a personal journey or it isn’t one worth taking, such a thing would not help you understand yourself or your place and purpose.

Because people seek the idea of God to find something that is at once very personal but at the same time connects them to their neighbors and helps them tie themselves into the world around them. To find your place and to feel purposeful in action is significant. And in their actions that go beyond logic or moral obligation people prove their devotion to the idea that something is greater than themselves, something that should be aspired to, these people show divinity in themselves. And if even flashes of such can be seen, if we can even reach into our own hearts and pull them out when we help the troubled or the needy or aspire to be more than human, to defy our limitations and reach for something more. If we can see something more than merely human there, if we can see God, then what more do we want?

September 1, 2010

God Does Not Exist

by nkwilczy

 God does not exist.

Cruelty and amorality, unjust and illogical things, problems or revisions in Biblical text, none of these are satisfying proofs to the nonexistence of God. Biblical arguments are inherently flawed in so many ways that they are never worth pursuing, they start out by placing themselves firmly in territory where their advocates are rarely as experienced as actual Bible reading Christians. And even if such arguments do succeed to any degree, even in rhetoric, they can at most argue against the existence of Hebrew mythological figures, at its heart the whole prospect is nothing more than tilting at windmills, and as far as convincing anyone about anything it is doomed to failure.

What concerns me is the idea that pervades that we are as a whole being watched very, very carefully and judged according to our merits and worth. This is the sort of God many people believe exists. What also concerns me is a simultaneous, compassionate and caring God that occupies the thoughts of many others and even simultaneously in the minds of many of the first sort of judgment oriented Deists. The point I intend to make is that your God is malleable. If parts of him can be changed and altered in one’s mind, if there is no concise understanding even to what “God” means even within one’s own head then how can anyone hope to prove that “God” exists? Ultimately no one can broach a universal argument that will make, to borrow a phrase, all knees bow because “God” is a personal understanding of the universe, not a universal or literal creator and overseer.

The truth is that while someone might argue for or against the existence of God, the more important argument that should be made pertains to the qualities of such a being. If the qualities of God cannot be agreed upon, If the moral code that governs such a being and which we all should ascribe to cannot even be determined, then the existence of God is a moot point. God, ultimately, exists only as a spokesman for whatever you believe in and his characteristics as you perceive them are as general and arbitrary as they are to anyone else.

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